14 Miles and a Talk I Was Afraid to Give

So on Saturday, we did 14 miles.  I am happy to report that my entire pace group came through it all, a little stiff and sore, but we made it. 

The day was a little difficult for me personally as I was asked to give a little talk in front of everyone before the run by Matthew the Marathon Program Manager for AIDS Project Los Angeles (APLA).  I had been asked earlier to write down why I was running this Marathon and Matthew read that and asked me if I would talk based on what I wrote.  In addition, the run was dedicated to the memory of my first wife, Jo-Ann, who died on July 18, 1992. 

This is what I wrote:

I am participating in this program mainly for two reasons - one, I just turned 50 and wanted to celebrate it by doing something meaningful that I've never done before and two because of the profound impact AIDS has had on my life.

In February of 1989, my first wife, Jo-Ann, was diagnosed with what was then called ARC or AIDS-Related Complex (they don't use that term anymore). At that time, I was a conservative Republican acolyte of Ronald Reagan who didn't give a damn about the AIDS epidemic because frankly, AIDS didn't happen to people like me; it only affected junkies and homosexuals and I didn't have anything to do with either of those groups. Like my idol Ronnie, I preferred to pretend it didn't exist. So when my wife was diagnosed, it was a total shock. And by the time she died on July 18, 1992, everything I had ever thought about my life and the direction it would take and my attitudes towards other people were completely turned inside out.

I used to think I was going to live the typical suburban life and move up the corporate ladder, raise more Republicans and be the same ignorant jackass I had been up until that point. AIDS changed all that. Once you start spending days upon weeks upon months in hospital rooms and AIDS wards with other victims of this disease and their families, you have to change—I don't see how you can't. I became a much more compassionate person—a much better man than I had any expectation of ever being. And I learned one very important lesson—life is short; follow your passion. I never would have been able to leave the life I was living to pursue a life in the arts as an actor and standup comic. What Jo-Ann went through gave me the courage to pursue what I really wanted in life.

So as I look back on a half-century and reflect on all the things that I was able to do over the last 18 years that she never got a chance to do, I realized I needed to do something to celebrate how far I've come as a person and to serve as a reminder that even though AIDS is not a part of my daily existence anymore, it is still out there. I can't ignore it like I did 20 years ago just because it isn't happening to me.

So I'm running - to fight AIDS…

And to fight the ignorance that used to live in me.

The talk was based mainly on what I wrote, but it's so much easier to write than talk.  Still, I'm glad Matthew asked me to talk and I'm glad I did it.  And it was nice to tell my stepdaughter Dina that the run was being dedicated to her mother. 

The run was the easy part.